Satire

How To Graduate High School

By Leandra Holmes

Satiregraduatinghighschool

Photo Credits of The Central Digest

When it comes to school, most students think it’s the worst place ever. Some even decide to drop out just minutes before graduation saying, “This is too much, I can’t stay here anymore.” See-more Butts, ‘18, said. At Columbia High School (CHS), students have found the easiest ways to breeze through all four years. Here are a few of the most recommended ways to pass with flying colors.

First, there are test, there’s an easy hack to pass them. You find a nerd and you bribe them with anything you can get your hands on. You can also do the ole switcheroo and have them take your test for you or you simply sit really close to them and copy away. Ace Testers, ‘19, stated, “I’ve had five request for my services just this week… I’ve been told I’m one of the best so I raised my prices.” “There is a scale for nerds and it lets you know who can handle test and who can handle simple homework assignments. If they have one through three they handle simple homework assignments. If they have four through six they can handle in class test and projects. If they have a seven or up they rank to do hard test like for the state or finals.” Smart Alleck, ‘18, stated.

If that doesn’t work you can try to bribe your teachers. Mr. Cheats, said “ I only work with students who I know need the help and I only charge them a small fee of twenty five dollars an assignment. Now this one is a little tricky especially since in CHS there are only few teachers who choose to live outside out the box. Once you've found the correct teacher you find their price and you pay it by all means.

Now normally one of those work but if all fails and you need to take extreme measures. It’s time to put your hacker caps on and hack your schools grade book. Maybe you can even pass some favors around so you can earn a couple bucks while doing so. Don’t worry about graduating with this great tips on your mind!